How to Thrive Rather Than Just Survive Caring for Your Newborn: A Guide to Joyful Early Parenthood with Your Baby
Welcoming your newborn into your life is a transformative experience that prompts a profound surge of love into your heart like no other. The meeting of your baby for the first time is such a powerful moment, flooded with your body’s own oxytocin, that it can even help release stress and tension built up during your birth experience.
Yet, even when an abundance of love is present, stress and overwhelm have a way of taking over your baby honeymoon when postnatal preparation is left out of the planning or not thoroughly thought through. In order to thrive rather than survive this extraordinary life-changing time, it’s essential to set intentions and plan for them. It’s definitely even more effective when integrating and practicing habits begins before the birth of your baby.
That said, better late than never! The important thing to remember is that you share the goal of wanting to enjoy the journey of becoming a family and growing closer together.
Being proactive gives you the advantage of having taken the time to reflect and make conscious choices that will support you instead of going forward uninformed and feeling the life you were used to having unraveling.
The day to day of caring for your baby can shift without notice and have you facing feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, exhausted, anxious, insecure, lonely, and even doubting some of your choices.
Balancing the realities of caring for your little human, all the while trying to maintain feeling centered in yourselves, aligned with each other, and tending to your relationship, home life, and work life can begin to feel like a scary and impossible path forward.
Yet with thoughtful preparation, a revised mindset and helpful habits of “practice makes better”, along with some practical supportive strategies, you can give yourselves the opportunity to embrace potential challenges with confidence so that you get to experience the profound enjoyment of the early phase of parenthood with your newborn. Here are just some of the tips I share to support my clients with having a smoother transition navigating their way into the joyful family life they imagine and want to manifest together:
1. Call it “Meaningful Chaos”
Adopt a fresh perspective of the untidy days of your home and loose schedule. Accept “Meaningful Chaos” as your new motto. The goal of becoming a securely attached family emphasizes the priority of time spent together over anything else. Welcoming unpredictability as a natural part of the newborn phase, turns into a sort of initiation into consciously practicing getting better attuned to your baby’s emotional and physical needs and to each other’s changing needs in your new parenting and spousal roles.
A lot of parents admit to being clean freaks before they became a parent! I was one of them! It can really help to plan ahead for some supportive services to reduce the restlessness and sometimes frustration around the appearance of a messy home during this life changing time in your lives. It’s ideal to assess, before the birth of our baby, what our needs might be and make some choices around what to plan for, such as a diaper service and occasional support with house cleaning. Talk about taking turns with certain tasks and agreeing to revisit how this is working or not. Baby wearing makes it possible for parents to have their baby close and content while doing certain family tasks and activities.
So all in all, adjust your expectations and surrender to it being okay if your house isn’t spotless and that the daily rhythm you find yourselves adapting to is subject to change without notice. Become flexible about prioritizing tasks and remember to focus on what truly matters to you as a family. Going with the flow exercises your capacity for adaptability. Some days will be more challenging than others, and that’s part of the journey you’re on. Recognize that there will be ups and downs and the harder days exist to initiate the habit of regular daily check-ins with each other so that your needs, as well as your baby’s, get acknowledged and met sooner than later.
2. Your Needs Matter Too
Caring for your newborn requires a significant amount of energy, as well as patience with yourself and each other. To give your best to your baby, you’ll need to set aside time to take care of yourself too.Talking with each other beforehand about what resources you and what self care you anticipate needing is crucial to respecting the recharge you’ll both benefit from so that you can follow through with being the parents you want to be.
Acknowledging ahead of time how important it will be to take even short breaks to recharge is a simple way to inspire mutual compassion and collaboration.
Enjoyable nutritious meals on the ready are gold! Plan ahead for proper nutrition because it helps maintain your energy levels and takes a huge load off your day of caring for your newborn. Friends and family can contribute to at least a month’s worth of your favorite healthy homemade meals for your freezer. It’s also wise to anticipate supplementing with fresh grocery and food deliveries. Having snacks and meals, packed with nutritional value, in sight will remind you to nourish yourselves regularly and keep you going throughout the day.
One of the top worries of moms who plan to breastfeed is not having enough milk for their baby. So it’s important to be aware that breastfeeding moms can end up with cases of mastitis when they fall into the trap of being busy and put off the necessity for rest and self care.
Knowing how influential feeling supported by your partner is on the success of your breastfeeding journey can inspire you both to implement simple yet consistent nurturing parenting and relationship rituals into your day to day with each other during your pregnancy.
You’ll both reap the rewards of getting a head start on this! Both of you being conscientious about stress reduction, taking time for regular rest, along with frequent hydration and healthy eating plays a big part in supporting milk production, as well as experiencing an easier time meeting the supply and demand fluctuations of nursing your newborn. Plus, this makes a huge difference with feeling self confident and capable!
3. Build a Support System
Raising a newborn is meant to happen in community, but all too often ends up feeling like an isolating experience, especially if family and friends don’t live close by. So it’s wise to look into online forums and local parenting groups that feel as closely aligned with your holistic parenting goals and values and that share the agreement to respect parents as the decision makers in how they wish to care for their newborn.
Having a reliable support system in place ahead of time will help ease the many changes that quickly begin to unfold simultaneously. No matter how determined you may be as new parents before the arrival of your baby, having your very own little human to care for will impact your lives. Who can you turn to with your vulnerability when you discover yourselves wishing for a break and a chance to recharge? Who will gladly show up without judgment or criticism when you experience the growing pains of early parenting?
Recognizing in advance that both your emotional and physical health undergo taking some hits will hopefully inspire you to get interested in fine tuning your stress radar, so that you pick up on the clues that indicate the need to reach out for support sooner than later.
4. Learning Tips and Tricks
A big part of preparing means taking the time in advance to talk about your early and future parenting goals so that you work towards feeling aligned with what is of most importance to you.
Pregnancy is an opportune time for expectant parents to research and get early insight on tips and tricks that will support and help navigate their path towards achieving their holistic newborn care goals.
Even developing and cultivating daily rhythms in your own routines, before the birth of your baby, that incorporate the anticipated changes you learn about, can make for a smoother and more enjoyable time with adjusting to family life with your newborn. A simple example to support the multiple transitions that take place in a day could be learning or making up songs for the various routines of your day and to sing them to your in-utero baby as you go about your day. You’ll be happily surprised when they recognize the songs and how each one helps them with the transitions of the day too (waking up, feeding times, cooking, gardening, nap, bath time, story time, bedtime, etc.)!
5. Cherish the Moments
Amid all the changes you’re navigating together both days and nights, it’s not unusual to sometimes lose sight of the joy that comes with being your newborn baby’s main support and comfort. In parenthood, both big and tiny achievements are significant! Celebrating the progress you and your baby are making can make all the difference in the world, especially when you’ve experienced major or minor struggles.
Sometimes difficult moments are invitations to discover the humor of a situation and to let go of tension through laughter. Opening up to an attitude of playfulness can invite feelings of lightness, self compassion, and genuine self acceptance.
The path of parenthood is a humbling journey and your baby is learning about unconditional love not only from how you respond to them, but also based on how you treat yourself and each other. So be gentle and kind with yourselves and remember that slowing down, pausing and cherishing the mixed bag of precious moments helps you and your baby thrive together.
Since we live in a world of constant video and photo taking with the heartfelt intention of capturing sweet memories for ourselves, for family and for friends, it’s easy to get into the habit of doing this at every occasion. However, ask any seasoned parent with secure attachment as their parenting compass, and they’ll likely suggest exploring experiencing moments with your baby completely device free.
Ironically, devices intended to record special times together can end up interrupting the specialness of the moment and prevent parents from being fully present. So take notice of how immersed you feel and the incredible bonding taking place in the absence of your phone/camera.
Enjoy your whole self participating in spending quality time holding, cuddling, and engaging with your baby.
This not only strengthens secure attachment, but also contributes to your baby’s healthy emotional and cognitive development.
6. Seek Professional Support
I recommend not hesitating to seek professional support and guidance from practitioners who specialize in infant health and wellbeing when you or someone else suspects something may be wrong or even if you just have a hunch that something is off. Pediatricians, biodynamic craniosacral therapists, chiropractors, lactation specialists, occupational therapists, and other infant movement and development experts are valuable resources. I recommend researching various modalities and finding out which ones are available in or near your area ahead of time. It’s also wise to make a list of their names and phone numbers in case you need to reach out for support. Often doulas and midwifery groups will offer resources by word of mouth or they have collaborative resources on their website for you to explore.
It’s also a good idea to become familiar with signs of your baby experiencing residual tension and or nervous system dysregulation from birth factors such as malpresentation, induction, the cord around their neck, fast labor, short labor, vaginal birth interventions, a cesarean birth, etc. Some examples are a misaligned jaw, limited range of motion in the head and neck, frequent crying, challenges with comforting your baby, various digestive issues, pain or difficulties with breastfeeding, and more.
As a practitioner, I all too frequently see new parents in crisis mode with their newborn. Often, they waited a while before realizing they’ve been pushing through a struggle for too long, or they ignored their intuition when it tried to be heard or they fell for the common phrase “This too shall pass!” which isn’t always accurate. I recommend parents of newborns start off being proactive and look into the possibility of having an infant assessment from one or more reputable infant specialists. Some will even do a home visit so that you and your baby can remain in the comfort of your home.
Above all, caring for your newborn is a unique blend of joys and challenges. Noticing that harmony and occasional chaos coexist in nature can be a good reminder that all new beginnings, including yours, are a tapestry of both. When it comes to thriving together on your parenting journey, prioritizing self-care, building a support system, learning valuable tips and tricks, cherishing the moments, and seeking professional support sooner than later when needed, will help you experience the happiness you desire. Your growing skill at attuning will invite the possibility of looking back on this irreplaceable time with love, joy, adoration and gratitude in your hearts. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Learn to listen and trust your instincts, be patient with yourself and each other, and take the time to soak up your unique journey of nurturing your little one and each other.